Vengeance & Remission (Introduction) Page 12

names without purpose. He was in pain, in fever, he was wounded and therefore confused and excused. However, he noticed the change just in the moment he spoke out her name aloud. His confusion was visible for a very short moment and Julia wondered what had happened. She heard his voice, but she didn't listen to him. With every swing of the ship, she quivered stronger. Slowly, it became hard to breathe. She had the feeling of not having enough air around her. Her breath became shorter. It made her more nervous and shaky.

  As Julia got worn down by the water, the wobbling ship, and the whole situation, Marcus Lucius took her into his arms to ease her phobia symptoms and put her head onto his chest. She was flexible like a modelling clay for children. She didn't oppose, and let him do whatever he intended. For her, travelling on water was even harder than having sex with Maxentius. As long as she was able to control her body, as long as she could reign herself, she was able to face every problem, even the most painful and cruel one. From the moment on her phobia took control over her, she became helpless and her mind got shut off. She wasn't able to think or act rationally.

  Marcus Lucius's heartbeat was regular, normal. Julia wasn’t able to calm down at first, like it is impossible to stop within less than 225 meters from the speed of 200 km/h. As you have to take severable variables into consideration, when calculating the breaking distance on a road, like slope, wear rate and depth of snow or ice, Julia's heartbeat was influenced by many variables as well. She was affected by her phobia as well as by Marcus Lucius's attention. It took longer, until her heartbeat became slower, more regular. Her breath eased down to its ordinary rhythm as well, and her eyes stayed opened for the whole time.

  It was strange how gently he forced her to be so close to him. She considered many possibilities why he did that. The most probable was that Marcus Lucius still was convinced she was his dead wife. Julia was briefly told about Decima, not so long ago. It explained why he used to call her Decima while he was with the high fever. At first, nobody knew what had happened to him, but Nerva brought news from Appius. Appius had already sent out his scouts trying to get as much information connected to Marcus Lucius as possible. Appius himself had met Titus twice within the last four weeks to exchange the latest rumours and assumptions about Marcus Lucius. While scouts came back from Rome bringing bad news, Appius was still not clear for which reasons Marcus Lucius returned to his camp. Different stories described Marcus Lucius's role in the occurrences affecting his wife differently.

  One story told that he intended to murder his wife because of some marriage differences based on different opinions due to their unequal social background or Decima being unfaithful. Marcus Lucius was definitely a kind of guy who acted passionately when his family was involved. Everybody knew that he had lost self-control after he got the news about his father's death. He immediately wanted to join the army, ignoring his age. If he had heard about Decima being unfaithful or if she had got him angry enough, he was at least theoretically able to kill her in the heat of passion. Appius doubted that Marcus Lucius would be able to act on impulse, but some men were convinced about the truth of this version. In this case, Marcus Lucius's disappearance could be considered as desertion and he would be punished, if he was found alive anywhere, anytime.

  The second version that circulated was about Marcus Lucius receiving a secret hint, that his wife was in danger from unknown reasons. In this case, he disappeared to protect his wife. But it still didn't explain why he didn't report anything and why he didn't ask for permission to officially leave the camp. However, it was the most popular version, even if direct talks about Marcus Lucius's case weren't common.

  The legionnaires used to spread idle talks and rumours about the personal or private affairs of others, because it was one of the oldest and most common means of sharing facts, views and slanders. When they noticed that Marcus Lucius was missing, they limited themselves to spreading the simple fact of him disappearing. They rather didn't analyse causes, reasons, backgrounds. They respected him and even though they wondered, what could have happened, they kept holding their tongues and waited patiently for further news. A simple desertion was excluded. Something had happened. Marcus Lucius wasn’t the kind of person who easily quit or burned ran away one day.

  When the rumour about his dead wife suddenly evolved, the soldiers started to discuss the possibilities in smaller groups. Appius wondered who started the gossip about Decima's death, it could not have been Nerva. This made Appius aware that there had to be a person in one of the camps, who knew the truth. It could have been a friend or an enemy of Marcus Lucius. As far as Appius knew life already, it was the case of keeping your friends close, but your enemies closer.

  Appius didn't know Decima at all, but he had heard some stories about her. Marcus Lucius's mother was absolutely disappointed about her son’s choice marrying a girl from an unknown, poor family. Still, as far as he knew Marcus Lucius from the times in Britannia and listening to the rumours from Brigetio, the man seemed to be satisfied with his choice, didn’t have any regrets, and seemed to long for his wife. Even, if the possibilities of caring were limited in the camps, there were small, almost invisible signs showing the values someone considered to be important. Really religious soldiers found time for their prayers in the calmness of the early morning or late evening. Sex-addicted legionnaires found ways to leave the camps to visit prostitutes or to smuggle in women of doubtful reputation. Any other addiction caught attention and was secretly well known, held in the unofficial light, not challenged until too many doubts regarding certain issues showed, or when a visitation was announced. Even then, some habits were maintained secretly, because they protected the camp life from outburst of chaos. A stable level of rubbish had to be held for any price. Otherwise, an unpredictable course of events had to be taken into consideration.

  When Appius saw Julia for the first time, he noticed how distanced she was towards her husband. It saddened him a lot, because he could remember how free and unvexed she used to be as a child. He had visited Julius Fabius before a couple of times in order to discuss issues concerning the training of new recruits. She used to hide herself behind trees in the garden, but followed every step of the visitors with curiosity and she laughed a lot, although not loud. When she was with Maxentius, she her eyes seemed to be dead, dashed, joyless. Her movements remained fluent, but had lost in dynamics. The revival of her energy could be noticed briefly during the ambush when she ran out of the wagon and gazed at her offenders. She seemed to be helpless, but fearless. She spread the feeling of being unimpeachable. If Appius should describe a proud woman, he could simply remember Julia in the moment when everything around her was struggling, and she was the only person, who savoured the grace and integrity.

  Still, Appius was already on the way to help her, but Marcus Lucius was even faster. He stopped in front of her and protected her like a wild, brave lion until he fell to the ground. Even in the moment, his head touched the ground, he swung the sword in his hand and the enemies were afraid of him. Julia stood like charmed and watched him. It was indeed a fascinating moment. Appius cherished the beauty of the situation. He could easily understand why Julia stood there like obsessed and waited for Marcus Lucius to move again. When he fought, it was like looking at the wind pushing the clouds in the sky or like waves on the ocean's surface. Observing the nature was obsessive. The spectacle was highly magnificent, simply breath-taking, and madly demoniac.

  Appius couldn't act differently than to protect both beings who were simply innocent in the brutal reality. As soon as Appius noticed the deadly wounds on Maxentius’ head, he had a spontaneous idea. It was absolutely risky, it was madly ill, but it seemed the only rational, logical alternative in that moment. Appius didn't see any other solution but to order Julia to hide in the wagon and support Marcus Lucius and to pretend he was Maxentius. She was willing to do it. Appius saw her fear related to his decision, but there was even a bigger sorrow mixed with anxiety that made her accept the conditions. Appius felt her objective
attitude, but he noticed her relief about the dead of Maxentius. It meant that his premonition was correct.

  He didn’t have any occasion to ask Julia which sorrows and fears she had. It wouldn't be appropriate, and she wouldn't tell him the truth anyway. She was a girl from a noble house, so she learnt to take life as it was, but she was taught to appear properly in accordance to her ancestry. He was sure that she would have acted the same polite, silent, unspoken way, because it was her nature. She was a tender being, but at the same time, a very strong one. She was able to survive the tragedy with dignity, endearment and secret energy.

  Appius sent Nerva with letters to Marcus Lucius and Julia. He didn't sign them in case they got into the hands of enemies. Appius was a straight man, who could understand the character of people he met. People underestimated him, but he was respected as one of the best trainers. All his pupils could go into a battle and win the match. You could presume that Appius would send his pupils even